It’s strange to be pregnant. At least for me it is. Even as I struggle to put my shoes on and walk up more than 3 stairs at a time, I still don’t believe it. Items disappear from my registry and packages with baby things inside arrive for us in the mail and I think “this can’t be for us.” I see my pregnant belly in the mirror and I think “that can’t be mine.” But, whether I really believe it or not, it’s true. I am pregnant with twins. And they kick me a lot to remind me they’re real.
And, these babies aren’t just a fluke. They are God’s gift to us in every sense. That’s what this post is about. My babies already have a story and a testimony to share.
If you’re reading this, you probably already know the basics about our story. Infertile girl seeks to get pregnant, asks God “why?” when it doesn’t happen, tries in vitro fertilization 5 times and has a miscarriage before ending up pregnant with twins. You may even know that I prayed for twins before we even began infertility treatment (you can read about that here) and as amazing as that is, there’s still more and I want to tell you about it.
The story begins immediately following our 4th IVF attempt (the one that ended in miscarriage). I was resting during an acupuncture appointment and praying and, let’s be honest, crying. I was convinced that the cycle was a failure. As I prayed and cried, I heard God say in my head “I have heard you, just as I hear all of my children, just as I heard Abraham and Isaac and Jacob.” I was immediately filled with hope and peace and most of all gratefulness to be heard. It was a huge comfort to me. A few days later, a reader of this blog and a friend wrote me an email to tell me that she had been praying for me and that God had given her the word “Samuel” meaning “God has heard.” She wanted to let me know that God had heard me. The tears flowed and again I was comforted and grateful, so grateful, to have such marvelous confirmation that God heard me and cared about me. These evidences of God’s love were stored in my heart and comforted me as I walked through the joy of confirmed pregnancy and then the tragedy of miscarriage. God was with me and heard me through it all.
Fast forward a few weeks and I was again laying on the acupuncture table. It had been 5 days since our 5th IVF attempt and embryo transfer. I had no idea and no energy to speculate on whether or not I could be pregnant. We had told no one we were doing another cycle so soon after the last one. As I lay on the table, I began to pray for the two embryos that I hoped were still living in me. I asked God to protect and keep them and cause them to grow into healthy adulthood. I prayed that they would die old and wrinkly in their beds. I cried. And again I heard God’s voice in my head. He said “You are pregnant with 2 girls.” I lay there in utter disbelief. The first thing I thought was that I was thinking only what I wanted to hear, that somehow I had made it all up and it wasn’t true. But, if that was the case, it would have been a boy and a girl. That had been my secret hope after all, not two girls. God helped my unbelief and the Holy Spirit worked in my heart to convince me that what I’d heard was true. I was pregnant with 2 girls. Driving home, I felt prompted not to waste an opportunity to give God glory when it all turned out to be true. Nervously, I called Chris and told him that God had told me I was pregnant with twin girls. I then bought a pregnancy test and took it right away. Of course, it was positive and I rejoiced. I knew then that the rest was true too. I was pregnant and not with just one baby! There were two and they were girls. And, sure enough, at our first ultrasound we saw two strong heartbeats. And, when we went for our anatomy scan at 20 weeks, it was all confirmed. Two girls, just like God said.
That is how I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that these girls are a special blessing and gift from God and that he has designed and planned and has his hand on every breath that they will take.